Sunday Morning....

Its Sunday morning...we planned to go to church..but as it was very cold outside, i dint want to get out of my blanket...but my sis was waking me up from 6Am..our church stats at 9:30Am & with all praise nd worship songs nd annoucemnts will go on till 10Am..So it was fine if we could make it by 10AM..sleepn on my bed, I realised...no I have to go to church...I somehow pushed me out of bed...nd woke up at 7:30Am..

Yesterday night it was a musical concert.."Euphonia'08" at our church(Koramangala Methodist Church)...we both made it for the celebration...all very excited to sing songs...nd praise God...You know there are those indigenous gospel songs..Christmas songs.... that remind me of times or memories as far back as when we were small kids... goin to sunday school...vacation bible school...participating in school choir...This time too, we had beem there for celebrating... Usually the church services are conservative and we’ll sing songs from the hymnal along with the piano playing majestically in the background! songs putup on projector... fully involved in the lyrics... Not this time! There were groups of quior from all churches and thy presented songs... Well as it was not as we expected..we still had good time...nd we returnd back befor the service ended as it was gettin late...

Well.. I've been thinkin to blog about my church surmons...as everytime, I listen to the gospel nd forget it... it happens with everyone I believe... and so I wanted to put them down here... there are times when you feel sleepy adn ther r times when you cry lisenin to surmons...I had one of such experience last time when I;ve been to church... there was a foreigner who was preaching...the message was so heart touching I decided to put it in my blog... bt as usual i missed it to pen down... I decided to put the sunday messages here...those that touch me :)

Today's message was one such...will put it in my next blog.. :)

Letting go of Resentment...

Can u recall the last time u had any hard feelings for someone? Perhaps it was a friend who betrayed u, a stranger who thoght wrong about u, frnds who don’t understand u… Perhaps this has happened recently with me nd feelings of regret, resentment, nd injustice r fresh enough tht... it still stings….. Wht can I do to overcome thes feelings nd painful memories?

Few days back…. Hmmm I must say last year, -- My God its been a year since all this started… and everything seams to be fresh in my heart and I still dint find a solution for this… I sent a mail to my frnd about our misunderstanding because I always felt that I was able to express much in writing than in talking face to face… I’ve got a rude nd angry reply, falsely accusing me of something on a personal level. I was shocked nd hurt. The “girl” in me jumped out nd my initial instinct was to write somethin hurtful back to her, in an act of self defense nd I did nt show my reply to othr friend because this time I thought wht I was doing was right….my second instinct was to give her a list of reasons why she was wrong, in an attempt to refute her false accusations, thus defending my ego….and I replied may be in a bad way… In the end, my balanced self knew that engagin with her would only trigger more negativity… and anger, so I didn’t…. I woke up the next mornin with defensive thoughts runnin through my head, like a dark cloud, hoverin over me…thoughts of retaliation had been dancin around in my mind in wht seemed to be a never-ending cycle….and frm tht morning we had a silent conversation…I hated this feeling…. In fact, I hated the feeling of hating this feeling….because somewhere I felt I should be happy for this…. Even though, I knew very well that I was getting nowhere by feeling upset, annoyed, and wronged,… it felt impossible to control these thoughts nd to not be bothered by them. I knew I had to release this energy to set myself free……... The key to mental freedom was within me and nowhere else…..but still dono y I kept thinking… and our relaton continued…to be the same – broken…

What can I do to overcome these negative thought patterns?I even don’t understand if these are negative or positive… I always felt I am right… What can I do to relinquish ourselves from feelings that are invoked by other people’s actions?

The more I thought about how I’d been wronged, the deeper I fell into feelings of resentment, and even feelings of despair….. My inner feelings always care about wht othrs think of me.. nd so, whn I learn tht othrs think badly of me, I become unbalanced, unwell and very bothered….

As hard as it might seem while I am experiencing anger towards someone, I understand tat the keys to overcome these emotions are first in understanding and finally in forgiving….but this seems to be like a huge mountain in frnt of me, as my instincts tell me that I need to defend myself, and possibly come up with ways to rescue myself… and my values… I thought first I need to find peace within myself… then I tried to seek clarity of my thoughts… wht all is happening around?/?… why is this happening???… wht did I do to let it happen like this????… whts my purpose in this…??? this all seamed to me as a never ending cycle of unnecessary pain and suffering and at one point I thought of givin up everything and live my life without caring who does what… or who thinks what about me… I want to share my feelings… may be then I wil be able to make things clear… I wanted sumone who can listen to me and understand me and tell me if wht Iam doing is rgt or wrng… when I feel that someone is understanding our thouths… it gives us insight into what our feelings are…..and even before we reach the stage of forgiveness,… this understanding will automatically ease some of the emotional burden that I’ve been carrying….we discussed & then I started to make clarity in my thoughts… clarity means that I should not be acting out of my emotions or my instincts…when I step out of myself, I was able to see the situation for what it is….. It has quickly become clear that the she was acting out of the instincts of her, and thus blinded by her own emotions…

Somehow I wanted to fully express my emotions… my anger… I wanted to express it verbally… with the intent of releasing it completely out of me…. . I wanted to jump up and down, cry out loudly…..I wanted to release this negatvi energy in me… or in writing….or wish I could keep running…

Letting go of this resentment was proving to be very hard...

Lovely one..!! - New ways to Pray

So Amazing! Very inspiring at the Times when we lost, confused... and feel like crying! It really makes us realize that through God everything is possible and we can trust him anytime as the way we trust our Father... :) ..

The scripture says ... "Your Father in Heaven Knows What You Need Before You Ask." it also says... "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" -John 11:40 and "Is anyone among you suffering? let him pray." -James 5:13
Sometimes though I have problems I only blame myself or my fate... but I have the solution with me which I rarely use... its 'Prayer' why is it like every time I forget to pray? Many times it happens that people around me or my friends tell me to pray for them...and I always promise to pray... later I realize that I completely forgot to pray for them.. Then I think... "Oh no.. I should not have done that..." though I say in my prayers that things should go on well with everyone around me... but I did not pray specifically for them..and I feel that I've let them down... These days things have changed with me ... so that to remember to pray at specific times, I need to set an alarm clock... Its my childhood teaching that I need to pray before I go to bed and Thank God.. and pray when I wake up to thank God for this wonderful day he had given in my life..and also to pray before meals..

I've read an article few days back which says... A person has a habit of praying when she sees a bird. "Sometimes, if there's a flock, I focus on one or two that seem to look right at me," she said... thats really very cool idea of being in touch with God..
After reading this I started looking for creative ways of praying

Here is excerpt from one of the article I read...
"Your Father knows what you need before you ask him," Hearing that, my sophomores would say, "But, if God already knows what we need, why bother asking?" That is a very good question! Jesus knows human nature quite well, since He, together with the Father and the Spirit, brought humanity into being. And, sharing our human nature, through his incarnation, he also knows "existentially" what it is like to think and feel like the rest of us do. When we want, especially if we feel that we need, a favor from God, we find it necessary to put our petition into words. Not like the pagans, who babble on and on, naming every idol they know, hoping that one of them might answer. But like children who ask for what they need, and even what they want, even without need, knowing that God is a kind and loving Father who will deny us nothing, except if it is not good for us.