Can u recall the last time u had any hard feelings for someone? Perhaps it was a friend who betrayed u, a stranger who thoght wrong about u, frnds who don’t understand u… Perhaps this has happened recently with me nd feelings of regret, resentment, nd injustice r fresh enough tht... it still stings….. Wht can I do to overcome thes feelings nd painful memories?
Few days back…. Hmmm I must say last year, -- My God its been a year since all this started… and everything seams to be fresh in my heart and I still dint find a solution for this… I sent a mail to my frnd about our misunderstanding because I always felt that I was able to express much in writing than in talking face to face… I’ve got a rude nd angry reply, falsely accusing me of something on a personal level. I was shocked nd hurt. The “girl” in me jumped out nd my initial instinct was to write somethin hurtful back to her, in an act of self defense nd I did nt show my reply to othr friend because this time I thought wht I was doing was right….my second instinct was to give her a list of reasons why she was wrong, in an attempt to refute her false accusations, thus defending my ego….and I replied may be in a bad way… In the end, my balanced self knew that engagin with her would only trigger more negativity… and anger, so I didn’t…. I woke up the next mornin with defensive thoughts runnin through my head, like a dark cloud, hoverin over me…thoughts of retaliation had been dancin around in my mind in wht seemed to be a never-ending cycle….and frm tht morning we had a silent conversation…I hated this feeling…. In fact, I hated the feeling of hating this feeling….because somewhere I felt I should be happy for this…. Even though, I knew very well that I was getting nowhere by feeling upset, annoyed, and wronged,… it felt impossible to control these thoughts nd to not be bothered by them. I knew I had to release this energy to set myself free……... The key to mental freedom was within me and nowhere else…..but still dono y I kept thinking… and our relaton continued…to be the same – broken…
What can I do to overcome these negative thought patterns?I even don’t understand if these are negative or positive… I always felt I am right… What can I do to relinquish ourselves from feelings that are invoked by other people’s actions?
The more I thought about how I’d been wronged, the deeper I fell into feelings of resentment, and even feelings of despair….. My inner feelings always care about wht othrs think of me.. nd so, whn I learn tht othrs think badly of me, I become unbalanced, unwell and very bothered….
Few days back…. Hmmm I must say last year, -- My God its been a year since all this started… and everything seams to be fresh in my heart and I still dint find a solution for this… I sent a mail to my frnd about our misunderstanding because I always felt that I was able to express much in writing than in talking face to face… I’ve got a rude nd angry reply, falsely accusing me of something on a personal level. I was shocked nd hurt. The “girl” in me jumped out nd my initial instinct was to write somethin hurtful back to her, in an act of self defense nd I did nt show my reply to othr friend because this time I thought wht I was doing was right….my second instinct was to give her a list of reasons why she was wrong, in an attempt to refute her false accusations, thus defending my ego….and I replied may be in a bad way… In the end, my balanced self knew that engagin with her would only trigger more negativity… and anger, so I didn’t…. I woke up the next mornin with defensive thoughts runnin through my head, like a dark cloud, hoverin over me…thoughts of retaliation had been dancin around in my mind in wht seemed to be a never-ending cycle….and frm tht morning we had a silent conversation…I hated this feeling…. In fact, I hated the feeling of hating this feeling….because somewhere I felt I should be happy for this…. Even though, I knew very well that I was getting nowhere by feeling upset, annoyed, and wronged,… it felt impossible to control these thoughts nd to not be bothered by them. I knew I had to release this energy to set myself free……... The key to mental freedom was within me and nowhere else…..but still dono y I kept thinking… and our relaton continued…to be the same – broken…
What can I do to overcome these negative thought patterns?I even don’t understand if these are negative or positive… I always felt I am right… What can I do to relinquish ourselves from feelings that are invoked by other people’s actions?
The more I thought about how I’d been wronged, the deeper I fell into feelings of resentment, and even feelings of despair….. My inner feelings always care about wht othrs think of me.. nd so, whn I learn tht othrs think badly of me, I become unbalanced, unwell and very bothered….
As hard as it might seem while I am experiencing anger towards someone, I understand tat the keys to overcome these emotions 
are first in understanding and finally in forgiving….but this seems to be like a huge mountain in frnt of me, as my instincts tell me that I need to defend myself, and possibly come up with ways to rescue myself… and my values… I thought first I need to find peace within myself… then I tried to seek clarity of my thoughts… wht all is happening around?/?… why is this happening???… wht did I do to let it happen like this????… whts my purpose in this…??? this all seamed to me as a never ending cycle of unnecessary pain and suffering and at one point I thought of givin up everything and live my life without caring who does what… or who thinks what about me… I want to share my feelings… may be then I wil be able to make things clear… I wanted sumone who can listen to me and understand me and tell me if wht Iam doing is rgt or wrng… when I feel that someone is understanding our thouths… it gives us insight into what our feelings are…..and even before we reach the stage of forgiveness,… this understanding will automatically ease some of the emotional burden that I’ve been carrying….we discussed & then I started to make clarity in my thoughts… clarity means that I should not be acting out of my emotions or my instincts…when I step out of myself, I was able to see the situation for what it is….. It has quickly become clear that the she was acting out of the instincts of her, and thus blinded by her own emotions…
Somehow I wanted to fully express my emotions… my anger… I wanted to express it verbally… with the intent of releasing it completely out of me…. . I wanted to jump up and down, cry out loudly…..I wanted to release this negatvi energy in me… or in writing….or wish I could keep running…
Letting go of this resentment was proving to be very hard...
are first in understanding and finally in forgiving….but this seems to be like a huge mountain in frnt of me, as my instincts tell me that I need to defend myself, and possibly come up with ways to rescue myself… and my values… I thought first I need to find peace within myself… then I tried to seek clarity of my thoughts… wht all is happening around?/?… why is this happening???… wht did I do to let it happen like this????… whts my purpose in this…??? this all seamed to me as a never ending cycle of unnecessary pain and suffering and at one point I thought of givin up everything and live my life without caring who does what… or who thinks what about me… I want to share my feelings… may be then I wil be able to make things clear… I wanted sumone who can listen to me and understand me and tell me if wht Iam doing is rgt or wrng… when I feel that someone is understanding our thouths… it gives us insight into what our feelings are…..and even before we reach the stage of forgiveness,… this understanding will automatically ease some of the emotional burden that I’ve been carrying….we discussed & then I started to make clarity in my thoughts… clarity means that I should not be acting out of my emotions or my instincts…when I step out of myself, I was able to see the situation for what it is….. It has quickly become clear that the she was acting out of the instincts of her, and thus blinded by her own emotions…Somehow I wanted to fully express my emotions… my anger… I wanted to express it verbally… with the intent of releasing it completely out of me…. . I wanted to jump up and down, cry out loudly…..I wanted to release this negatvi energy in me… or in writing….or wish I could keep running…
Letting go of this resentment was proving to be very hard...
What should i say??? You have a crystal clarity of reactions of heart to every action. I wish you come out of all your pain at the earliest.
ReplyDeleteKeep smiling :)You look very pretty :)