Relations - Are hard to understand

I always ponder upon this...so many years have past and I sometimes feel like all the relations have costed me a lot...!! and, in the way of saving relations, we sometimes loose the escence of it...as it is said, the minute you close your hand and squeez tightly to hold the sand in your hand, the sand trickles through your fingers....you may holdon to the same of it, but most of it will be gone...!!

I think relations are always dynamic....there have been times in my life where I had best of friends in my life... and I have it all in my life... and then suddenly I realise that, I loose all the best of relations... Whoever the person is... I always get scared to get into the confortable zone.....these relations always run on my mind....I've read somewhere that, It is always important to know and gain understanding of who your primary and disowned selves are....

Sometimes we think everything is fine in our relationships... and all of a sudden you realise that everything is gone... At that moment I keep asking “where did I go wrong?” so I now realise that in any kind of a relationship, you always need to know WHAT NOT TO DO? or if possible you need to know WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU ARE WRONG?...Sometimes I become overly cautious because I have been hurt so many times.... I become suspecious and judgemental...

These relationships exist in our thoughts.....the relationship with another person is whatever we imagine it to be.... whether I love someone or hate someone, IAM RIGHT!!!....but now the other person may have the feeling of a completely different relationship with me, but what someone else thinks of me is also the part of my thoughts.... So the relationship with someone includes what I think of that person and what I believe s/he thinks of ME>??.....Thinking on this further, I can complicate it by imagining what the other person thinks is that whaat I think of him/her, but ultimately those are all I have......Sometimes its like Iam always viewing the relationships through the lens of my own consciousness and conscience....and offcourse my conscience says that I have the ability to distinguish whether my actions are right or wrong... maybe everyone feels the same..... and this is where the Ego clashes...!!!


A relation should always be strong enough to withstand whtever may come...When its a relation between partents nd children, it will superceed the need to understand each other...but in all other relations, at some point in our lives we will face the fact that relationships require some effort to keep them strong and positive.... but again this over cautiousness may loosen the sand in your hand...!! which is more terrible to bare...

I tried to list out all the things that bother me about other people....and when I think of them again, to be honest I have to admit that all of my complaints about others are really complaints about myself..... maybe because they never feel it to be wrong...??? why does that happen??... When I do any mistake, at some point later, I realise it... then y cant others???....It becomes difficult to understand a person and our relationship especially when sometimes we don’t even understand ourselves....BUT the more I get into relations, the more I get to know about myself...Most of the times at the end I realise the trait is in me... the trait to maintain any relation...that is because when we forgive, accept nd love ourselves, we learn to forgive, accept and love others too, as they are...And the more I think upon the relations....I understand my deep feelings,....emotions...thoughts...beliefs and intentions...and I finally get to know the most loving and harmonious relations...
I always wonder why do I feel good about myself one moment and bad at another moments????Why does a person change their attitude towards me from one day to the next??? Each one is a complex creature.....whose behavior is driven by emotion, beliefs,& their point of view.....and its that as long as you hold on to someone, you feel you are understanding the person.... but some point later.... you feel that you were never able to understand the same person.... and this "emotionally dramatic relationship" takes its form....and this makes me feel why I stayed as long as I did???....When I became aware of these unseen forces....I knew where to make the changes to avoid the roller coaster of emotions that I had been on....or on which i might be on...

After writting all this I really understand the importantance of gaining an understanding of who our primary and disowned selves are.... that is because I wish to understand and enjoy my relationships fully and also because I wish to be in relationship with the people who I actually choose to be in relationship with....and I choose people whom I admire excessively....or whom I value a lot....and there are always few qualities which are inate and I really judge, in others..Here we need to understand the meanin of disowned...which means you need to know that the other person has some quality that you have probably disowned in your ownself...

There is always either.....we will like people who are similar to us, and we hate people who are our disowned selves....This can b when you hate people who are selfish...because you are not selfish.... so you will usually choose as friends among those people who are similar to you.... OR..... we will be attracted to people who carry our disowned selves, either the positive ones or negative ones.....so usually we will enter into quite intense relationships with people who carry our disowned selves....this intense relation can again be a hatered or love...
The best part is that we can always CHOOSE a relation:)