Those nine months are very special to us. We were just waiting to hold you in our arms little baby. As per the scan, the doctor told us that you would arrive on Nov 2nd. So I was praying and hoping for a normal delivery.... As the day approached, I was very tensed, excited nd apprehensive...must say,that those were most beautiful days.
I was always thinking about you... Who would you be, a boy or a girl? Though, I secretly wished for a girl ;) how would your hair colour be. I wanted it to be blonde.... But many said it should be black if it's a boy otherwise blonde... For me, it didn't matter. As I remembered my childhood, I thought you can tell everyone that your mother has such hair and you got them :) unlike me, as neither of my parents had. ;)
The nesting instincts were strong... And I started to make clothes for you.... Mom stitched nappies, My aunt stitched nappies too, nd I was knitting a shawl. I Prepared the hospital bag. Bought some baby clothes. Me and papa got you a Swaddling cloth. My sister got socks for you ... A cap, mittens etc. I used to stare at them and adore the size.
I went for a final scan which I wanted to get in 3D (without doctor 's concent). And during that scan we got to know that you had the cord, twice round your neck. Doctor decided for c-sec and we all decided the date. I was little disappointed to know that it would be Csec. But then I prayed and committed to God.
I told papa over phone and expressed my disappointment, he told me to be happy that we were able to find out. He said what ever it is, you both should be safe and healthy. His words encouraged me.
My in laws were travelling from kanpur, papa from blore. I was supposed to be admitted on 24th night. And then we started finalising the names, but we could not finalise a girl name. My sister told me that I will have a boy as it was tough to decide a girl's name. I wanted it to be "Johan " or "Joanna " but no one liked "Joanna ".
I remember I had biryani that night, did some photoshoot and got admitted in the hospital at 11pm. it was dassera festival and whole hospital was vacant.
We unlocked 2rooms, one for the family and one for me. Ya! My aunt works there and as the hospital was vacant we could use it.
Me and papa were thinking about the you (baby to come.).. And papa wrote a poem, "Silent night, calm and quite, keeping our hopes fixed on Christ and as the day brings light, waiting to see the baby's first sight " ;)
I just couldn't sleep that night. I was so scared, so excited also worried that my BP would shoot as I was thinking so much..... But by God's grace things went well. Early morning the doctors started the procedures. I was taken to OT at 8:45am. My aunt was with me in OT. She came out to tell everyone that it's a boy.. Papa told me that she was saying "koduku koduku"(which means son in telugu) and everyone around started to jump and kiss and celebrated...but papa didn't understood a bit of it....he asked my mom who?? Mom said "congrats beta, it's a son", then papa's happiness had no words....You were out of OT in ten minutes. Everyone was waiting for me to come out of OT. My sister captured those moments in her camera.... I remember the moment when they pulled out a tube from my mouth... Though I was given general anesthesia, I woke up due to the pain and I wanted to ask and I thought I asked, if it is a boy or girl??? but my throat was all dried up....and my voice was not clear.... Someone said "what? ", I repeated "boy or girl?" and I heard "babu" (which in telugu. Means son)... I was little disappointed because I secretly wished for a girl. And I dozed off....
I woke up again in the observation room....and asked "eydhi"(where) but I could not see you and without my knowledge I kept dozing off.... Then I woke up again in the room, to see you, my sweet tiny red baby
...with chubby cheeks, with your finger on your cheeks (as if you were thinking something) in the peach dress which I have chosen for you to wear... Awwww... All the effect of anesthesia went into the air!! I tried to open my eyes wide again to see you ... Then I touched your tiny cheeks...and put my finger into your closed palm!!! Aaaw, a lovely feeling. I could see innocence in existence!! then you opened ur eyes and starred at me.... God knows what you were thinking!!!
Such an awesome feeling! I don't remember when I dozed again but that moment is still fresh in my heart.
First thing my dad did when he took you is that he whispered a prayer in your ears.
I love you lots baby and I know that I was wrong about baby boys... They are so cute and adorable. And I think I was selfish because I thought I can dress up a girl in many ways and I thought bringing up girls was exciting but I must say that you are exciting, you being joy and you make me forget all the blues!!! ( though blue is the colour for boys ;))
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